When adoption rules were written, the original deal was to protect the “rights” of the adoptive parent and the birth mother. By sealing the birth records, the goal was to prevent shame and to hide the secrets of the past.
That has always been the defense if you are an attorney on the side of the adoptive parent or the birthmother. Because of this, there are millions of adoptees who live in the limbo of the unknown. This created a cruel decision for adoptees, who have been doomed to live their entire lives in the shadow of not knowing how they got here.
There was not enough thought in the making of these policies. Perhaps attorneys didn’t realize that adopted children eventually grow up. Even though I am now nearly 60 years old, I am not supposed to know the woman from whose womb I arrived, where I was born, or any circumstances of my birth.
I spent twenty years going around the system trying to find truth. I finally discovered the woman who gave birth to me. She had died 13 years earlier. Although I will never meet her, I will always be proud that I never gave up. After being a single “child” my entire life, I now have wonderful brothers and sisters.
For all adoptees, we have a right to know who gave birth to us and how we got here. The wholeness of knowing the truth will always outweigh any pain from the past.